Buying ZaZa our 8M trimaran was an easy decision apart from the fact that she came complete, if that's the word, with a marine toilet. I just knew from past experience that this was going to be the start of a messy intimate relationship. When later that year I found myself stripping down my ES L 400 toilet I was overcome not only by it's contents but by deja vu .
When I was 14 my Dad bought a boat which initially had an Elsan chemical toilet. We emptied this by lifting its bucket through the forehatch with a rope, a procedure that inevitably came to a sticky end, as a result of both the boat and our motions! After this trauma Dad returned from the next boat show the proud owner of an ES L 400 which he duly installed. Sadly however despite vigorous pumping the bowl remained miraculously dry and it produced nothing, apart from vexation. The reason became clear when Dad received a letter from the makers explaining that during manufacture all the valves had been put in the wrong way round but it would be but a simple matter for any owner to reverse them! Thus Dad became acquainted with the toilets innards, on this occasion at least in their virgin state.
It functioned without incident until a cruise the next year, when a friend Dick accompanied us. Dick was well known for three things, his amiability, his strength and his ability to fall asleep anywhere, even in the pouring rain, wedged in the cockpit. We were however to discover a fourth, hitherto unknown aspect to Dick's disposition before the trip was over. He joined us hefting a kitbag and clutching a large tin, which he confided was packed with liquorice, an antidote to the chronic constipation he now told us he suffered.
Each day he would go through the same ritual, masticating a stick of liquorice and later perching expectantly on the loo, only to emerge a considerable time later crestfallen and glum. On day 10 however Dick exited triumphant! Unhappily however it was now the toilet that was constipated, though this did allow my Dad the opportunity to exercise his knowledge of its inner workings!
My next brush with a marine toilet was when I bought my own boat back in 1976, which came with the dreaded Elsan, which I determined to replace. On closer inspection it was clear that at one time a flushing toilet had been fitted, and this was confirmed by the previous owner. Indeed he volunteered that I was welcome to it, if it was still in his fathers' loft, where he had put it after its removal some years previously. He kindly retrieved and despatched it by BR parcels, leaving me to collect a very suspicious looking package from them. This antediluvian contraption turned out to have a (corroded) aluminium bowl with a maze of piping sprouting from it. My pride in my new boat extended even to this relic, so with great enthusiasm I restored the bowl with bath enamel and installed it. Then came the proud moment of turning the valves on and operating the pump. Plenty of water appeared jetting from every joint, but the bowl remained stubbornly arid! Undaunted I transported my treasure home, dismantled it, replaced all the gaskets and returned it to its rightful place.
Not long afterwards I took my Dad for a sail, which went well until he retired below to use the loo. He was a man of many virtues, but patience and predictable bowels were not amongst them. After a while I heard cursing and swearing from the cabin followed by Dad rushing into the cockpit demanding a bread knife and a spanner. Soon afterwards the forehatch opened and my toilet flew out, landing with a splash beside the boat! I thought for a moment that it would float but on this occasion it chose to admit copious quantities of water into its bowl and it plunged to a watery grave. I was somewhat taken aback by this turn of events, but mollified by Dads promise to replace what had let him down in his hour of need, but less appreciative however when the replacement turned out to be an ES L 400
Dave Riley